Bible stories re-imagined with lots of ennui.
This one was in my to-read list for a while, since hearing the "Adam and Eve" story on the radio. In the end, i liked it a lot less than i thought i would. I think the problem is that to do a book like this successfully you have to like the stuff you're re-imagining, and Jonathan Goldstein seems to dislike the Bible characters very much. Or maybe he likes them in a weird way.
An interesting read nevertheless. The recasting of David and Goliath as a battle of comedians is one of the high points of the book.
The preface stands apart, though. Unlike what he does with the Bible stories, in the preface he talks about characters he likes, and the result is that the preface is great. Is it worth the price of the book? Maybe not, but it's very good.
For whatever it's worth, my favorite book in this genre is still Buechner's Peculiar Treasures: A Biblical Who's Who
Quotes:
“Hi,” said the snake. “In the mood for some fruit of knowledge? It’s fruity.”
The idea of her own nudity, as well as Adam’s, had always felt more like a Nordic, coed health spa thing; now, with the fruit of knowledge, it felt more like a Rio de Janeiro carnival thing.
Here it was: death. Cain couldn’t believe it.
He wanted nothing from God. He wanted nothing from the world. The world was what it was and he didn’t need it to change. And in this way, he’d finally gotten his wish: to be just like Abel. (Cain)
After the flood, man’s relationship with God changed. Where once there was disinterest—a sort of “you go your way, we’ll go ours” attitude—there was now distrust.
There is no sadder word than “ family,” thought Jacob.
Meanwhile in Haran, Jacob’s life was no bed of roses either. His uncle Laban worked him like a red-maned pack mule.
The angel smiled beatifically. Then, drawing his wings back like the ears of an angry cat, he dropped his elbow onto Jacob’s groin. After that it was all nonstop pile drivers and headlocks.
“But your god . . . God?” “You musn’t even speak His actual name!” interrupted Rodney. “He doesn’t like it, so we’ve invented nicknames for Him: He Who Will Kill You. He Who Will Crush You. He Who Will Set You On Fire and Douse the Flames with the Blood of Those You Love. You really have to be careful. The Beneficent One hears all and sees all.”
Goliath was a bully who produced nervous laughter. Terrified laughter. David wanted to cause laughter that made the soul brighten. [...] And right away, David knew that he had erred. His timing had somehow been off—not exquisite enough. Perhaps he had been overzealous in his delivery of the stone.
“The way your dad is always trying to kill me,” David complained to Michal, “it’s so undermining.”
At the end of the first day he thought, What a story to tell our grandchildren one day, but by the end of the week, he thought, Schmuck, what’s the matter with you?
“When I first started I relied on slapstick—killing giants and that—but then I moved toward more advanced forms of humor—like wordplay. Irony!” [...] “Comedy should help remind people of what is real,” he told his son. “Everyone gets used to the way things appear, but comedy can awaken us to what is.” Everyone went through life pretending, and revealing this pretending was at the core of all jokes.
On the road, Jonah stopped caring which side of him was crazy and which was not and as a result, he felt his craziness blossom, going from being the kind that chews the flesh of the fingertips to being the kind that pounds the chest and summons God.
Being a fair bunch, the sailors dangled Jonah overboard by his robe straps. The moment his toe touched water, the storm abated. As they dipped him in further, the sun popped out, and when they submerged him past his knees, little yellow birds appeared on the deck, chirping and singing. When they hefted him back onto the boat, the whirlwinds raged anew.
When he was a child, in spite of everything, Jonah had this unshakable feeling that things were going to turn out fine. And now he was in a fish.
“She was much roomier than she looked” (Jonah)
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